The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
