Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
