Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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