went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
