I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize