Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
