how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
