I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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