I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
