i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
zippers are such a cool invention
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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