LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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