I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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