i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
