some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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