I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
