Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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