umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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