we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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