so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
