I can text with my tongue
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
