Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
