My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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