Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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