i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
