If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How external is "for external use only"?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
