Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
