so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize