I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
