I stole so many things from the ER last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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