His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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