just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
