what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We're too hungover to prance.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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