Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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