If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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