my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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