If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
