THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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