The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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