i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
