She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
