Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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