Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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