they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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