At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
