I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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