I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
