Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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