Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
