somebody snuck up and got me drunk
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
