Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
