I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
