If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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