Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
