i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
