New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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