it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i was born a porn star she said
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
