I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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