DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize