STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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