I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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