And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
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We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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