I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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