I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
