I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
