I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
