need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
