I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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