Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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