My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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