Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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