We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
