so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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